For the Best
by Melan Anime
Summary: One-shot. Gaara fought to take a decision which he believed it was for the best. However Matsuri proved to him otherwise, despite the difficulties. RxR please!


_I wrote this one-shot for a contest (Naruto LoveFeast actualy, i was a member at GaaMatsu team) at DeviantArt and my co-worker drew the picture based at my story. I really like it and I decide to share is here at FFnet as well. I hope you like it._

_Head-canon / Post-cannon (A year after Naruto 1)_

_**Disclaimer**: _I don't own Naruto. I own the title and the plot of this story._ Also I don't own the cover image; __PenumbraChey, from DA, does, since she drew it for my story. So the credit goes to her as the original artist! This is non-profit story and I'm not making any money from it._

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><p><strong>For the Best<strong>  
><em>Matsuri's POV<em>

The sun was setting at the far away horizon, spreading the last of its light and giving the impression that everything around us was on fire. However, it was impossible to enjoy the desert view, as my blood was slowly freezing in my veins and raising my pulse to my ears.

I was standing there unable to believe what just happened, staring the man in front of me, stunned. Yet he refused to meet my gaze. He was looking down, taking short, sharp breaths and shifting his weight from one leg to another like he was nervous or something; _how unlike him_. Still I couldn't bring myself to ponder why he was acting so weird as my mind was recycling his words all clear and loud:

_"__We have to end it… We have to end it now."_

I was trying to realize what he just told me and more important why, but my mind was refusing to cooperate and instead of trying to think with logic, it was only confusing me more. At first I was shocked; but hearing those words repeated in my head, a shooting pain pierced me and cut me from the inside. All I wanted was to cover my ears and erase the echoes. I knew he wanted to talk to me about something important and unpleasant. Even considering how serious he was when he announced to me that we have to talk, I never thought that it would be something like… _that_!

"But… why?" I found myself asking; surprised by anger that was building up inside.

Gaara lifted his head, peering into my eyes. However, when he opened his mouth to reply, he pulled his gaze away, "It's for the best."

_For the best_? How could this be for the best, since it was already breaking my heart? Though it was impossible to understand his thinking, my head found it was the right time to replay my memories from the previous month, like it was trying to throw some light into my mental and emotional tangle. I gasped.

It was only one month ago, but it was hard for everyone at the Hidden Village of the Sand, with so many failed missions and problems with other villages. Thinking of it now, his behavior changed after a specific... _incident_. I thought it was over; or at least I wanted to believe that it was over, but some things do not easily change while others can. I used to fear guns and fights and though I had already trained under Gaara for more than a year now, even though Gaara changed, making a 180 degree turn, there were many who still feared and hated him.

Of course nothing started without a reason; previously he was ready to kill everyone without a single drop of hesitation or regret. But that changed, _he_ changed and I could tell for sure that he wasn't the same person he used to be. He was trying harder than anyone to prove his value and make everyone acknowledge him. Yet no matter how hard he was trying to prove that he wasn't the same monster as the one inside of him, there were some who wanted him dead or wanted the power of Shukaku. The previous month proved it, once again.

It was night and nobody suspected what was to come. Everything happened too fast and before we realized it the village was already under attack. Still being leaderless after the fourth Kazekage's death, it took us some time to organized and fight back. Shinobi from different nations had transformed the village into a battlefield with many dead people into a matter of seconds. At first we believed that they just wanted to take over the Hidden Village of the Sand but only after valuable time we realized their true goal: Gaara! To be more specific; the _tailed beast_ inside of him.

Thankfully things ended fruitless for the invaders, since neither Gaara nor the village was ready to allow them to as they pleased. In the chaos of the battle I found myself at the spot as well. It happened before and it wasn't a surprise; they were tried to get Gaara through _me_. I was about to be kidnapped and they were so many of them and I'm still a genin. There weren't much I could do, so once again it was my teacher who ran after me. And just like the last time things didn't turn out well and Sukaku nearly took control over him, sucking his logic and sanity and into his own madness he nearly killed everyone –including me. I shivered at the thought but I could think myself as lucky for getting out of it with only scratches and wounds –nothing too serious or vital.

Things were over, yet he became cold and distant. I could tell that it was something that Gaara didn't take out well and I was sure that upseted him. He was still beating himself for hurting me. But since ended up well I believed that it wasn't something important or too bad and that very soon everything would be back to normal –as normal as it could be into Gaara's life- but apparently I was all _wrong_.

…

_Flashbacks_

_The day was reaching to its end and I was already on my way home when I saw Gaara standing outside my house; head angled down, laying against the wall with his arms crossed on his chest, like he was waiting for me. I smiled seeing him there, not sensing the coldness of the air around him._

_ "__Gaara-sensei!" I exclaimed, running at him happily. But soon the smile froze on my lips seeing his hard expression. __"What's wrong?"_

_ "__You have some time? We need to talk." Was all his answer._

_I nodded. "Um, sure…" in truth, I wasn't sure at all._

_He pointed me to follow him and I obeyed without a question; he led us to the cliffs outside of the village where we used to train together. He stood near the edge, taking in the view of the village from above, while the sky was changing tones and the sun was turning red as it lowered toward the horizon. We stayed there in silence for some minutes with him, staring the sunset and me, staring his back waiting to say something. Time was passing and I couldn't take it anymore. _

_ "__What you want to talk about, Gaara-sensei?" I asked slowly. I was sure he wanted to tell me something bad and sure I was wondering why I was so impatient to find out what it was, but I couldn't stop myself._

_He turned to face me –his expression was harsh and his eyes narrowed. "It's over Matsuri, we can't continue like this," he announced –his voice was colder than ice and his words hit me finding me unprepared._

_ "__What?" I whispered, still feeling the aftershock._

_He locked my eyes with his, repeating the words that hurt the most, "We have to end it, Matsuri. We have to end it now."_

_Flashbacks ends_

…

Here I was, trying to understand and keep control over my emotions, but it wasn't something easy to do. I was standing in a place where Gaara and I spent countless times together training with the sunset of the desert as a background. Right here, I got the chance to find the _real_ Gaara under his emotionless mask and he wasn't the monster that everyone was saying he was. I learned that he is a man like everyone else –he had a heart and a soul- and he was trying hard to prove his value. At this same place we started growing a bond together, got closer and eventually shared our first kiss: showing our feeling to each other and starting what I had hoped was a new chapter to our lives.

I bit my lips hard; a new chapter in our lives _together_, as a boyfriend and a girlfriend and not only as a teacher and student. It was like a dream to me, but not all dreams are like rainbows and unicorns. From the beginning things were hard and nothing was like an open road… No, it was like the hardest mission I could ever found myself in. Even though he showed that he has some feeling for me, our relationship wasn't the most romantic one.

Gaara was never the most sociable or easy person to get along, his mind was more like a puzzle to me with his heart as a locked door. I was determinate to find a way to understand him, and win his heart fully and nothing could stop me because yes… I was unconditionally and irrevocably _in love_ with him, ready to do anything to be worthy of him.

He was always so strong and he was getting even stronger –I was no match for him. So I was trying even harder, pressing myself to my limits so I could get stronger myself. Yet I was weak and I didn't have the same progress with him. I wanted to show him my care and how much he meant for me, but of course that was even harder, with him hiding his true emotions and thoughts most of the time. Often I found myself ready to give up, but I didn't; my love for Gaara was pushing me to keep up.

That wasn't the only obstacle in our relationship. There were still people who never looked at him with sympathy for his past wasn't something easy to forget. People were still afraid of him, even _hated_ him and that was something that never affected only him. Since the first day that I became his student, I came face to face with what people actually thought and felt of him: Gaara remained a monster, and I was the monster's pupil, therefore I became a monster as well. A strange and unfair way of thinking, but to them, it was a fact.

Since my parents died, I was all alone. It was hard to form bonds with other kids, and just because Gaara was my teacher, they started to avoid me. And it wasn't only my friends; the whole village was turning its back to me, no one wanted to have anything to do with him and those who were closest to him.

And as if those weren't enough to endure, things were even more complicated. Gaara, with Shukaku inside of him, was and kept being both dangerous and a target. One wrong moment and it was easy as breathing to lose control, and then the tailed beast wouldn't show any mercy. Having only a small taste of what that would be like, I tended to change the subject, not wanting to think about it. It was something that always brought chills up my spine or haunted my nightmares: Gaara glaring at me with the eyes of Shukaku full of hate and anger.

There were people out there who wanted him, dead or alive so they could usurp that power. They were always trying to find a way to lay a finger on Shukaku, being either too foolish or bold, messing with beings beyond their knowledge and control. And I had already become a pawn in those attempts to gain that power; every time I was saved by the person that right now was standing right before me. The same person who could make my heart beat faster, from fear and love.

I shook my head trying to clear up my thoughts. It would be a lie if would try to convince myself or anyone else that I wasn't scared, however… I _trusted_ him. Or at least I was trying desperately to convince myself that I did trust him and that he won't hurt me because Gaara was strong enough to hold his own against Shukaku. I was hanging onto that hope like it was a matter of life and death.

_What irony_… I thought mentally, because it _was_ a matter of life and death.

My whole life was in a spot, because I was close to Gaara; my friends were avoiding me, the citizens were seeing me as a monster and my even my life was in danger, challenging fate every moment of every day.

The summary in my head made me want to cry. I had the power to end everything by doing one little thing: I could stop being his student and all the suffering and agony could go away.

I could do it but… I _didn't_ want it.

I was aware of the danger and knew perfectly well what fate may have in store for me, if I was to choose that path, but I no longer cared. I was ready to take the risk, rather than keep myself away from him. Especially now that I know who he really is and how much I love him. I knew things weren't going to be easy but I was hoping that in time, everything would be better.

Was I wrong? Gaara had just crashed whatever hopes I have left.

One-side love would never be enough and Gaara… I would never force him into anything; he was free to choose and I should respect his choice. I was feeling a pressure in my heart like an invisible hand, grabbed it and squeezed it hard. I wish it could be a lie, but it was pointless to turn a blind eye. _So this would be the end…? What a harsh end. Not that everything else was easy_… I was unable to hold my tears and I didn't want him to see the water in my eyes.

"I… I thought you cared for me…" I whispered, trying not to look at him.

…

_Gaara's POV_

…

My eyes widened and within the time frame in which her words set in, for me to react, I felt unable to breathe for the air stuck at the back of my throat. The next moment I gasped, as an acute pain stabbed me straight to my heart. It was true that physically pain wasn't something I knew well, but that anguish within my chest was more than familiar to me.

_Why did it always have to hurt there?_

I forced myself to keep a calm voice, "This is what you believe?"

I admit that for a moment I thought that she would have turned to look at me with anger and fury. As the twinge at my heart grew, Matsuri surprised me in an unpleasant and nearly unbearable way.

"No…" she replied. Her voice was stable but I could tell that she was making an effort to keep it that way. Yet I dared to hope. "This is what I see," she ended up burning all my hope into ashes.

I left to stare at her for a split of second. "You see that I don't care for you?" I asked as if I needed a confirmation.

She refused to look at me. "You never told me that you did."

I took a deep breath. It was true that I never told her, but didn't I show it with every possible way that I _did_ care for her? All of my actions after I met her up to now were mostly focusing on her: I tried to protect her, teach her well and keep her safe and happy. If I didn't care I would have left her to her fate when she was kidnapped. Every time she was in danger, I would not have come when she was needed me. But most of all, if I didn't care for her, would I made her my girlfriend at the first place? Even now I was putting her safety, above my feelings.

She was a wonderful girl and I was a _monster_. She was kind hearted and I was a cold _murderer_. A great evil was lurking within me –a power that was overwhelming my common sense. I was born to become a weapon and few out there were capable of understanding the pain and suffering of bearing such a burden. I wasn't even a person, at least not yet. I wanted to change and become accepted, but that wasn't an easy road for her to travel with me.

I looked at her and for one more time I confirmed it: _Matsuri and I didn't share the same eyes_. Hers were full of light while mine were full of darkness as if my personal demons were hiding there. Technically she shouldn't be able to understand me, yet she did. Out of the whole village she was the first who accepted me and entrusted me to teach her. Perhaps she didn't have the same fearless eyes as Uzumaki Naruto, when he faced me, but Matsuri never looked at me like everyone else did. She was gazed at me with understanding, with a smile on her face, with awe, even with admiration and not long ago I perceived she started looking at me with _affection_ too. _Does monster deserve to be loved by someone so pure and innocent?_

It was impossible for her to not become special to me. In time, Matsuri became something more than that; in her face I found someone to _love_. Now her life was in danger because of me. Perhaps I killed many in the past without a second thought or regrets, but I didn't want to hurt her with any way. She was important to me, as one of the few people who actually accepted and trusted me, after Naruto and my siblings. However, her being with me was destroying her life and I cared for her so much that I would never forgive myself if something bad happened to her because of this.

Matsuri had no idea and probably never will, how much I fought with myself to make my decision. I had no other choice; as long as Matsuri was near me, she could never be safe. Her well-being seemed more important than any pain I felt by pushing her away from me. Yet it was harder than I thought, for the ache within my chest failed to uphold my resolve.

"But I wanted to believe it," she said, looking at me. Sadness was written all over her face for her eyes were wet and red –I tried to hold myself back from lifting my hand to wipe away a tear drop which was rolling down her cheek.

"I do care for you, Matsuri," I stated, "You mean a lot to me."

Considering her previous words, this time she seemed to actually believe me. "Then why you want to end it, Gaara-sensei?"

I took a deep breath. "It was a dream, Matsuri," I said, feeling like I took a knife and stubbed at my own chest. I knew I was hurting her too, but it was better to hurt her now, than keep hurting her and bringing her down with me. "Some things are not meant to be. We can't be together."

"But you said you cared for me? Was that a lie?"

"No…"

"Then why can't we?" Matsuri empathized learning a bit closer to me to lock my gaze. It was hard looking at her in her eyes; therefore I had avoided making eye contact. "Life is hard, I never thought that it was easy, but if we both want, we can change it, together."

I bit my lips, feeling stiff. I wanted to believe that things could be better as well. The previous month's events showed otherwise, that I couldn't do much; my darkness was hunting down her light and her life was in danger. That was something I couldn't allow to be continued, no matter what. I was determinate to do whatever was needed, regardless of the cost. So I took a deep breath and squeezed my fist.

"If you stay with me there will be no dreams ahead; only nightmares. Things can never turn out well; I can't build a happy future with the past I have."

Matsuri stared at me like she didn't understand a word. "What are you talking about?"

"You deserve something better that me, and-"

I didn't manage to finish as her hand landed with force on my check, slapping me hard. My head turned and I needed several moments to realize what she had just done. I slowly turned to look at her but Matsuri was facing the ground with her hand still at the air and left there, where it stopped. Her eyes were hidden behind her bangs, yet I could clearly see her tears shining in the last sunlight.

"_Liar_!"

My eyes blinked and I was left speechless as I stared at her, as if I was trying to be sure that this was actually real. Did Matsuri just slap me, calling me a liar? Apparently _yes_…

"What-"

"Stop!" she cut me off again. Her voice was sharp like a knife. "Just stop…" she continued, voice getting softer. "Please, don't say more."

"Matsuri…?"

"You don't know anything about me," she suddenly started, lifting her head. "What do you know about me that gives you any right to say what I deserve and what is the best for me?"

I left to stare at her stunned; it was the first time she did and asked something like that. I had never heard her being so serious: her voice was hard like diamond and heavy like iron, so strong and filled with determination.

Matsuri peered into my eyes. "Tell me." She nearly ordered, but I was in the position to catch a subtle tinge in her voice, which begged me to answer.

I licked my lips. "Matsuri…" I started slowly, looking away at the sun getting lost behind the desert. It was still painful to look at her face. "What I am and what I was…"

"_It's here_."

I turned to look at her; she was stood before me pointing her eyes with both fingers. I frowned, puzzled.

"It's here, Gaara. In my eyes you are not the monster you think you are, but the man I _love_…"

I gasped as my heart skipped a beat.

"… Look at me and tell me what my eyes are telling you."

I did what she asked me and there I saw everything I wanted and everything I was looking for. Her eyes were so bright; her light was my salvation into my sinful life. A sign that even monsters deserve to be loved, and even a sinner can have a heavenly break while being doom to hell. Before I realized it my arms were holding my personal trail of light tightly.

"Stay by my side…" I heard myself saying, "I won't let you go, even if you want to."

Matsuri rested her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around me. "I won't let you leave me, even if you want me to go."

I hugged her tighter like I wanted to make sure that this was real and not a dream. "It's for the best…" I whispered, watching as the sun disappeared.

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><p><em>Special thank to <em>_PenumbraChey, because she also beta read my story.  
><em>

_Please review and tell me what you think :) it will make me happy!_


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